The Amazing Adventures of PURE CRACK!
by did you say lightswitch
Summary: Once upon a time in a lovely little land that we like to call Naruto...aw, screw that...how can we have a summary when we don't even know what's happening? HidanxDeidara and KisamexZetsu...pure shounen ai...with boonches of CRACK! YOU MUST READ!
1. Stupid Towels

Hello everyone. This is Pineapple-Sister. Yes, I know it is strange for me to writing the author's notes, but did you say lightswitch was unable to keep this story on her computer, due to the fear of her mother searching around and coming across such a wonderful display of profanity and shounen ai. I, on the other hand, am able to type this fic up on my laptop without such a fear. This means I am the beta, at least for this chapter, and also the co-author.

We would also like to apologize for the length of this chapter. Let's just call it a prologue of sorts. Also, keep in mind that anything that **-looks like this- **is just did you say lighswitch jumping in and saying whatever is going through her mind. I know, scary…What may be even scarier, is that any comments I feel like interjecting will _–look like this__-_

**Disclaimer**: We don't own Naruto, the Akatsuki, or any of the amazing characters. Shit.

_Pineapple-sister: Weren't we working on that?_

_did__ you say light switch: Oh right! __As soon as we take over the world with our army of pigmy penguins and purple elephants._

_Pineapple-Sister: Yes!!! __Naruto__ will be ours in no time. Then we won't need a disclaimer._

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The day is the 22nd of July. Hidan, our lovely hero-ess…**-wait, no, ****Hidan's**** a boy…damn…that sucks…gosh…well, um…yeah…****- **_-you do realize that it is heroine, right?-_** -oh, fuck that…who gives a shit?...well, ****anywho****…hero-****ess**** is SUCH a better word…now on with the story…(grabs computer from Pineapple-Sister just as she is about to respond…)- **has decided to take a shower.

Why, you may ask? Well, Tobi, yes our legendary "good boy," decided to piss Hidan off, and randomly attacked him with lovely cube-shaped mud balls. **–yes…cube-shaped mud BALLS! ****Gawsh****…hasn't anyone heard of balls shaped like cubes****?- **_-__hee__hee__, you said balls…Wait! It's not what you're thinking! I am not perverted or anything…-_** -wow…REAL mature Pineapple-Sister…if that's even your real name…- **

So, Hidan decided to take a shower…I mean, who wouldn't? _–or maybe he was just jacking off-_ Anyhow, Hidan decided to take a shower…he is obsessed with cleanliness…or maybe not…ugh…well, he was covered from head to toe with mud, and YES that does mean that he had mud in certain places, that, well, I won't mention at the moment…So now that we have made ourselves clear, I shall be kind enough to start our story…oh, yeah, and by the way, Hidan is in the shower.

"DEIDARA! Where the hell is my rosary?"

Hidan yells through the closed bathroom door as he gropes around for his rosary, and, of course, a towel. **–Sorry Pineapple-Sister…even though I'm SURE you'd want him to be naked for longer…****Hidan**** just doesn't strike me as an exhibitionist…-**

" I mean seriously, how the fuck can a person take a damn shower in this mother fucking place with little bastards who steal your shit the second you turn you damn back running around?"

Hidan slams the cupboard in the bathroom shut out of pure anger. In doing so, the glass breaks, and little shards of glass come pouring down upon the angry little man below it. **–****heehee****…don't worry, there isn't a midget in the bathroom…and ****Hidan**** isn't a midget either…I just HAD to put the word "little" in there somewhere…wait…I said little earlier…whatever…-** _-you __know__, you don't have to argue with yourself. I can do it for you. You know I love that sort __of thing__- _Little **–yup…the lovely word again…-** drops of blood splattered across the floor as the glass cut through Hidan's lovely pale skin. A small hiss escaped his lips as a relatively large piece sliced his cheek.

"Damn it. I'm blaming that fucking jackass for this. If it wasn't for his bitchy way of stealing my shit, I wouldn't be so pissed off in the first place."

Hidan grabs a towel and pulls it around his magnificently exposed, and naked, body as he opens the door to yell at the poor, and very pitiful little Deidara-chan. Of course, he forgets to wipe up the blood that was dripping from his little cuts all over his body. **-****just**** for you Pineapple-Sister!-** _-which part? __The __chan__ part or the naked part?__ Because I sure do like the naked part…-_ However, much to Hidan's surprise, the large and dungeon-like corridor is empty. Deidara either doesn't hear him, or he is just flat out ignoring him. **-****probably**** the second one, since ****Hidan**** was yelling so inhumanely loud-**

"That bastard. How dare he not get his fucking ass over to this damn bathroom? Seriously."

Hidan storms angrily down the corridor towards Deidara's very pink, and super girly, flower covered room. However, very pink, super girly, and flowery can't even begin to describe the room. I'll just leave it to imagination. Let's just say, if Hidan has to see one more giant stuffed unicorn, he will probably ban them from the face of the earth. –**with**** my help, of course…I hate those fucking unicorns…with a passion…- **_-UNICORNS!!!Where!?Let me at '__em__. Just let me get my machete first__.-_** -****Deidara**** jumps in front of his unicorns protectively… "****don't**** worry ****FooFoo****…I will protect you!"…ok, well maybe not…whatever****…(****laughs manically…)-**

BAM

The door flies open and reveals and interesting scene. **-well, for us at least. For ****Hidan**** it's just super creepy****.-** Deidara is sitting on the floor of his room on a fluffy purple shag carpet. He is making little clay figurines, the mouths on his hands gently caressing the clay. What made this even worse: the figurines were of Hidan. Obviously, Deidara had stolen Hidan's rosary in order to make the design absolutely perfect. Hidan stands in the doorway completely silent, well, for a moment. _–of course, __Hidan__ can't be quiet for long. He is always bitching, complaining, or whining. Just like did you say __lightswitch__.-_** -yeah…wait…NO! Not like me! Take that back...****shit…I seriously just ****dissed**** myself…-**

"What the fuck is this supposed to be?! Oh dear Jashin-sama! Are you fucking stalking me? Damn it, you asshole! You ARE stalking me! You douche bag! You fucking gay ass, queer stalker! Get away from me you damn fagg!"

**–for those of you who are too stupid to understand what is going on ****cough Pineapple-Sister cough…****Hidan's**** well, um…very mad…no, not like mad cow disease mad…like purely pissed off and angry mad…ok…just wanted to clear that up…- **_-oh yes, of course. The CO-AUTHOR would have no idea what is going on in the story. Real smart, you dumb shit.__ You __gotta__ love those __oxymorons__.-_

As Hidan is saying, well actually screaming, all of this at the semi-startled Deidara, he begins waving his arms animatedly at poor little Deidara. In a short span of about 15 seconds, the entire scene changes. Deidara turns from being a semi-startle Deidara to an extremely interested, staring Deidara. Hidan, however, turns and interesting shade of red, and starts yelling even more than he previously was. **-the words he is yelling are so foul and painful to hear that I didn't have the heart to write them down****…and seeing as most of them weren't even in English, or any language for that matter, I couldn't decode them to write them down…****-** The reason for all of this drama?: Hidan lost his towel. Before he had been holding it up with his hands, but then, well, you can guess what happened.

"You…um…yeah."

Deidara is too intrigued to form a complete sentence. Hidan angrily snatches his rosary and towel, and stomps out of the room leaving Deidara to puzzle over yet another stream of extremely foul and colorful words.

"Wow. That was…interesting, yeah."

Deidara is sitting on the floor of his room staring at the small clay figures in front of him, picturing the naked, and very real, Hidan that had just been standing before him.

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And now, we have a _little_ treat for you. While planning this story, we came up with a list of conflicts. So now, we would like to present you with the first from this list.

#1: Hidan is not a fucking homo…as he of course would put it…hey, don't think we have a problem with gay people…I mean, take a look at the story!

Warning:_ Story may cause towel-phobia, illegal drug usage –_**for our lovely monkey out there!-**, _random outbursts of "__Tobi__ is a good boy," OMG! I LOST MY SHOE!, the need for irregular and excessive consumption of bologna, sugar rushes…., epilepsy, obsessive use of the "back" button, the need to review this story…, death lasting for more than five minutes, flashbacks, and last, but not least…wait, where am I?..._

_Pineapple-Sister: Shouldn't the warning be at the top of the chapter?_

_did__ you say __lightswitch__: But that would defeat the purpose…it would just scare away the readers…then they wouldn't get to enjoy the lovely after-effects of our story…especially the "death lasting for more than five minutes…" _

**REVIEW! **Pretty, pretty please! We don't care if it's just to tell us that we are completely insane and are over-due to take our medicine…

**FLAMES PLEASE!** We need them to make our lovely little shmores…yes, we said shmores.

Beware the cha-cha-cha!


	2. Deidara's Memory

This is me…being…um…did you say lightswitch…

To my lovely reviewers…meaning one…and arirang…but seeing as she is, well, I dunno…she doesn't count…and Pineapple-Sister…YOU REALLY DON'T COUNT…dumbass…

xXJashin-rocksXx : Thanks for the review! Yay! Our ONE reviewer…so…um…I guess that makes you #1…here's your ribbon…but it's green…cuz blue is for losers…named Anna…wait…I don't know an Anna…cuz Anna's such a rare name…yeah…

And to all of those people who alerted my story…being one…review?...please…pretty please with sugar on top…and that's coming from a diabetic…I usually don't share my sugar…MINE!...

Now on with the story…I can rant later…

**Disclaim****er: **It's OURS! WE own Naruto! Yes US!...wait…what's that you're saying?...there's some Japanese guy named Kishimoto claiming that it's HIS?...OUR LIVES ARE LIES!...LIES!...WE HAVE BEEN LIVING LIES!...

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Woah, yeah. Did that just?...no way. I t couldn't be. Did Hidan just?...Did I just see?...Was Hidan?...NAKED! Ugh, no, I'm dreaming, yeah. It wasn't real. Just one of my figurines, yeah. Must…think…of…something…else…SHOE! Yup, I went shoe shopping the other day. I got these UNBELIEVEABLY k-yoot

**–****that**** would be cute for all of those anti-me words people…yes, this makes NO sense…hell, it's almost one thirty AM! Damn…whatever…-**

purple pumps. Yeah. Itachi stole them last night for a date, yeah. I think it was with Orochimaru…or the leader…I dunno, yeah. Orochimaru stole my BRAND NEW hot pink tube top yesterday, yeah. Hm...come to think of it, everyone has borrowed clothes from me within the last week, yeah. Except Hidan. Yeah, I have a GREAT outfit for him!...If I could squeeze him into a size two, yeah. I dunno. His butt may be slightly too large, yeah. Not that I'm complaining…Hidan…hm…He's so amazing when he's naked…yeah…he's so…hm…NAKED!...

**-****for**** those who can't tell, I like that word...naked…****boonches****…-**_-I just really like the word when a __smokin__' hot anime character comes right before or after it. Like __Hidan__ naked, or naked __Hidan__-_

…naked…Hidan…man…I remember the first time I saw Hidan naked…yeah…

_**Flashback to like...hm...three weeks ago?...**_

_The day was, let me think…Wednesday, yeah. I was walking down the hall, on my way to the laundry room. _

**_–Just for you to know, the laundry room is NO WHERE close to this particular hallway…the hallway with the room off of it…you know, like most hallways…actually…all hallways…-_**

_Yeah, well, I was about halfway down the hall when I realized that, __poo__, I forgot my laundry. _

**_–so, while I was writing this last sentence, I was trying to think of a clean word for Deidara to use…so…I ask Pineapple-Sister what a clean word for crap would be…of course she says "crap IS a clean word…" of course SHE has grown up able to speak in whatever way she wants to…I, on the other hand, would have gotten my mouth washed out with soap for saying crap a few years back…ha…well, anywho…we determined that poo would be super-duper clean, seeing as crap is the clean word for shit, and poo is a clean word for crap…o.O…- _****-**I like to call it purified shit-

_Of course, I didn't want to take my same path (across the torture chambers, through the dungeons, down the path of doom, through the sewers, near the museum of medieval torture devices, towards the lovely little furry pink flowery garden of doom….etc…) across the rather large house, so I, very wisely, I must say, took a carefully planned detour…yeah. This detour, however, took me past a particular room. A room so foul that even stink bugs __hold__ their noses. This room would be none other than the bedroom of a certain __Hidan__, yeah. _

_As I neared the dreaded doorway, a thought, a very disturbing thought, crossed my mind, yeah. What if __Hidan__ was, per say…entertaining a guest? We all knew that __Hidan__ was, how __shall I__ put it, "a busy little rabbit…" Yeah, well, anyways, I slowly crept down the hall, careful not to make any noise whatsoever…I did NOT want to disturb __Hidan__. Still, how quiet can a person be when creeping through a hallway made out of tin cans, with pots and pans lining the walls, and just for extra decoration, large bells and wind-chimes hanging precariously low from the ceiling, __yeah.__ So I crept along, quiet as a mouse…_

**_-why do they say this expression…I know the mice…well rats…at our school are so loud that we can hear them during MARCHING BAND! Do you realize how LOUD that is…?...-_** -wait, you don't hear anything. Well, you never hear me…wait…-

_So, yeah, I'm being SUPER quiet…hardly making ANY noise at all…when all of a sudden, BAM! I run smack dab into a large gong sitting out in the middle of the hallway. __Right in front of his room, yeah.__ Who would leave a GONG in the hallway?_

-this super clean speaking is driving me crazy. If I ran into a gong I would be all 'fuck this shit! Who the hell leaves a fucking gong in a goddamn hallway?!'- **_-yeah…like you can really complain about the fucking super clean language…I'm the one doing all of the damn writing…miss 'I've-gotta-get-my-homework-done-because-I'm-a-lazy-ass-procrastinator-who-has-to-do-all-of-my-fucking-summer-word-in-three-days…'…wow…that's a long name…-_** -cause you would NEVER procrastinate miss 'I can't do my homework because I have to write a story about GAY PORN' of course, I do love yaoi. And if any dipshit took that comment offensively, just go fuck a damn tree. I am writing this too. Don't you think I like it too, asshole-**_ -what? Gay porn? YOU told me that Deidara was a girl and that 'he' was a nickname!...LIES! MY WHOLE LIFE IS A BUNCH OF LIES!...oh, yeah, and by the way...you people just got to meet the REAL Hidan…damn…where is the mob of fan-girls when you need them?-_** -ok, miss melodramatic, GET WRITING…dammit…-cough- fucking piece of shit -cough- and I'm a girl. A fan-girl. Other fan-girls scare me when they are running around (half-blind if they actually think I am Hidan) and trying to glomp me- 

_"What was that?" I heard a girl's voice mutter quietly, followed by a soft whisper, and a low moan, yeah._

_"Don't worry about it, bitch. It was probably just one of those damn rats. Have you seen how fucking large they can get?" __Hidan__ Who else could speak with such cruel language? It had also become quite clear that he was INDEED entertaining a guest, yeah. But what were they doing? Hey, I had my bets on a tea party…_

_"HIDAN!__ I really think that there is something out there…PLEASE __go__ check!" I then heard a lot of shuffling and __groaning, and plenty of complaining mixed in with some DELIGHTFUL language on __Hidan's__ part, yeah._

_"Damn. __Gotta__ go check for a fucking noise, just __cuz__ a damn bitch gets pissed off at the fact that I'm a lazy ass. __Such a way to kill a mood."__ Oh no. HE is coming to the door. __Uh oh, yeah.__ I better run. Far. And fast. SLAM._

_"Damn fucking rats. Running into my shit in the hall…her and her fears…damn, and she was such a good fuck too." __Poopy__ Where to hide…where to hide? Yeah. He'll KILL me if he sees me out here. __Uh oh, yeah._

_"DEIDARA!"_

_Oh double __poopy__. I have been caught. Yeah. Excuses…excuses…what to say…_

_"__Whenawhosaywhatsanisit__!"__ There, that should cover all of my bases. _

_"What the hell are you doing outside my fucking door? Are you __fucking spying on me? Are you hoping to see something?" Excuses…excuses…see something? What is there to see? I mean, __Hidan__ is already standing out here completely naked…wait…__Hidan's__ naked…NAKED!_

**_Back to the present time, which at one point was the future, and will soon be the past…ooh…so deep… _**

So…naked…yeah. Except, this time was more of an accident. And much less painful. Yes, MUCH less painful…and soooo amazing to see…perfection painted on a body…if only my clay skills were good enough to capture the pure aroma that comes from his naked body. The heat that seemingly radiates off of him, yeah. Hidan…naked.

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Ooh…time now for our second installment of conflicts…

#2: Deidara is too gay for his own good…and not too bright in the head…a little slow, if you ask me…

Warning: _Story may cause excessive amounts of nudity, nightmares, random acts of kindness, prostitution, confusion, bad grammar, problems with '__splelling__,' lack of sleep, narcolepsy, odd visions of __Orochimaru__ in a pink tube top…__ew__…, fear of hair loss, low resale value on your house, bad internet connections on your retarded laptop, wait…are you seeing spots?...__hm__…I __dunno__ what to tell you for that __one…it sure isn't one of OUR side effects… _

_Pineapple-Sister: Great, now because of you people think I'm __Hidan_

_Retarded-half-blind-fan-girls: HIDAN! OMG! Can you sign my FACE?_

_did you say __lightswitch__: -chuckles- __Mwahahahaha__….stupid fan girls…not like WE are ever THAT obsessive…wait…didn't you just say earlier that you don't have a sexual orientation because you are only in love with anime guys?...gosh…you are going to be the first person to ever marry a __Shounen__ Jump magazine…loser…_

**Reviews…: **More than one please?...pretty please?...

**Preview:**_Hidan__ has a flashback…but of what?__...better yet, of WHOM?...__dunh __Dunh__ DUNH!_


	3. Hidan's Memory

What's up. It's Pineapple-Sister again, because I feel like it DAMMIT! Sorry about that. It won't happen again…maybe…

One again, thank you to all the lovely reviewers. And thanks for that match, but it really is easier to make those shmores with actual flames. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Naruto, and we don't want to anymore. Hmph. Wait, what was that you say? Kishimoto gets paid? Never mind, we will continue our quest to own it. Now where did I put that mace…

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Fuck this. I can't believe that bastard. With his retarded way of stealing my shit, and making those damn figurines. And the way he stares at my fucking ass…like he even has the RIGHT to see it. Damn towel. Fucking fruity fairy. Damn. He has NO right to look at my damn sexy body. I mean, I guess he can look if he wants to, but he better not stare like I'm a fucking piece of shit for him to toy around with. Or a fucking piece of clay. Ugh. Whatever. He stares at me cuz he's jealous of my damn hot good looks. And since HE doesn't have much ass to go around, of course he's jealous. I mean I'D be jealous. Hell, I AM jealous. Of myself, of course. Yeah, Deidara doesn't have too much of a damn sexy body. Well, I suppose he's decent…better than that Chiharu chick I fucked a few weeks back. Wait…did I just compare that fairy to a GIRL? Hell, something is fucked up in my head. Damn, I need some sleep. Gotta get these fucked up images out of my head. Shit, I did see Deidara naked once. Ugh. And Kisame. Gag.

_**Flashback…yup, you know the drill. Stop, drop, and roll.**____**Before you cross the street, of course.**_

_So __Hidan__ is strolling through the magnificent gardens of the __Akatsuki__ mansion, enjoying the beautiful day, and listening to a quiet droning of classical music floating through the air._

_"Shut the fuck up you dumbass narrator. This is MY story, and I'm going to tell it, __dammit__."_

_So I'm walking through the dungeons of the __Akatsuki__ headquarters, torturing the prisoners, and killing a few unsuspecting victims. __Zetsu__ needed to eat, and I, sure as hell, was NOT going to put up with a hungry __Zetsu__. I would like to keep my damn arms, thank you very much. So, I took on the responsibility of capturing and killing some fucking innocent villagers._

_**-Not just innocent villagers. **__**Fucking innocent villagers.**__** You've **__**gotta**__** be **__**uber**__** specific…-**_-what have I told you about using the word uber?-_** -NO!!! Let me keep my fingers PLEASE! I need them to finish the story…unless you want to**____**HA! What a joke! You typing **__**is**__** about as likely as **__**Haku**__** being a boy, or **__**Deidara**__** being straight…-**_

_So, anyways, I'__ve__ just finished killing a particularly annoying asshole, when I decide to play a little prank on an unsuspecting __Deidara__. Playing pranks on the dumbass fruit had become a favori__te past time of mine by this point. So I cut off the head of one of my victims, and place it in a plastic bag to take up to __Deidara's__ room. I mean, seriously, I don't want to get any of the fucking blood on me. I might get AIDs or something. _

_Seriously, though, I'm on my way up the thousands of fucking stairs in our damn building, when I come across an article of clothing. __A hot pink tube top.__ I knew who the owner was instantly. No, it wasn't some bitch who one of my so called friends was fucking. No, this tube top bel__onged to __Deidara__. How did I know this, you may ask? I had been dragged out of the house the day before to go to the mall. __Ick__ I HATE shopping. I mean, seriously, the only good things about the mall is that there are about a million crazy chicks there, most being sluts and/or prostitutes, Hot Topic, and Victoria's Secret. Why, you may ask, do I enjoy a lingerie store? I'll tell you. Hundreds of hot girls trying on bras and underwear three sizes too small, and then strutting out into the store half naked to show them off to their dumbass boyfriends. _

_Anyhow, I continued walking down the hall when I came across a pair of purple shoes. __Deidara's__ again. Seriously, can that bastard not pick up after himself? So I continued following the path of clothes towards a room, so that I could yell at __Deidara__ to pick up the hallway. Seriously though, he's such a messy dumbass. Well, I get to a room, and hear a slight moan come from within. Clearly __Deidara__ is in there with one of his stupid little boyfriends. So, I decide to scare the fucking shit out of the pair of them. I open the door and practically die there on the spot. __Seriously.__ I found out, in about two seconds time, that #1__:this__ isn't __Deidara's__ room, and #2: __Deidara__ likes to loan out his clothes. No one wants to see a naked __Itachi__But worse yet.__ No one would be ABLE to see a naked __Orochimaru__ and survive. Damn. He looked like a cross between a snake and a __giraffe. No lies. It was GROSS!_

_So, I take off down the hall as fast as my legs can carry me, trying to escape the wrath of the naked couple chasing me down the fucking hallway.__ I ran and I ran as fast as I could, but they couldn't catch me __cuz__ I'm made of wood! _

_**–what? **__**Hidan's**__** one of **__**Sasori's**__** puppets**____**uh oh…no just kidding…that wasn't said…**__**heehee**__**…just ignore that…XD-**_ -you just had to try and rhyme didn't you? Now what have I told you about rhyming?-_** -no! **__**not**__** my left toe!...**__**gawsh**__**…you're just jealous **__**cuz**__** I had the gingerbread man story/song/poem-thing stuck in my head.**__**-**___

_Seriously though, don't listen to that dumbass narrator…she's on crack…or pot…or just insulin…_

_So, I was nearing __Deidara's__ room, yet still trying to run away from the naked lunatics. __More moans reached my ears, and I vomited all over the floor. __Ew__…__that could only mean one thing. Whoever was in __Deidara's__ room was being fucked at the moment. Seriously, I did NOT need to see more naked people. __Especially naked people in the process of screwing each other up and down.__ Still, I decided that now would be as good __a time as ever to play my little prank on __Deidara_

_I open the door to __Deidara's__ fucking fruity room, and stat to talk instantly._

_"Hey, __Deidara__, I brought you a present…" _

_I trailed off as I realized who __Deidara__ was with. My suspicions were all proven true. __Deidara__ was a damn fucking fairy! And, seriously now, __Kisame__ was as well. The two of them were locked in a very compromising position completely butt-naked. I stood there with my jaw hanging open, looking like a jackass, the head in my left hand completely forgotten. __Kisame__ and __Deidara__Boyfriends?__Lovers?__Gay asses?__Woah__Seriously, __woah_

_"Um, __Hidan__, yeah.__ We, um…I…um…__Kisame__…um…__Kisame__ had an itch…so, I um…had to help him itch it?"_

_The words instantly started flowing back to my mouth._

_"Holy fuck!__ Shit! What the hell? An itch!?! That you had to scratch with your tongue?!?...so the next time MY genitals itch, I guess I'll just have to come to you!?!"_

_"Um.__ No. Not like that. Well, yeah, um."_

_"Ugh. You two are both fairies! Faggots! __Gay lovers!"_

_"Well, actually, __Deidara__ is gay. I am bisexual." _

_Kisame__ HAD to say something retarded like that. __Dumbass.__ I couldn't find anything else to say so I fled the terrifying scene that had built up before my eyes__, leaving a lovely stream of curses for them to puzzle over after I left__. However, I still had the head in my hand, and I didn't realize this until I was at dinner, and __Tobi__ just about fainted at the sight of a bloody head at the dinner table. Hell, it was just some dead bitch that __Zetsu__ ate. Damn, if he had seen what I had to see today, HE would have been in a __coma for a week, or two, depending on how much of __Orochimaru__ he was able to see. _

_**End Flashback…and **__**Hidan**__** is asleep –lazy ass…-, so, um, end of the POV…**_

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Warning: _Story may cause the common disorder of seeing everyone in their underwear, blindness, mutilation of bananas, random outbursts in song, rhyming disorders, __loofa__ attacks, hypnotic attacks from red ants upon your brain, the inability to process words –cough- Pineapple-Sister –cough-, the unnecessary professions of love for __Bleach _-take that back bitch! Bleach kicks ass. And I can process words just fine- _**-what are you talking about? **__**The anime Bleach?**__** I was talking about Clorox! Dumbass…and no, you process no words…**__**-**__splelling__ errors, loss of blood, numbness/tingling in the arms and legs, fear of lampshades, obsession with light bulbs, and loss of the ability to read, write, speak, hear, move, breath, think, eat, blink, and drink. Yes, what I like to call, death.__** If any of these side effects last for more than 304 years, well, you'll be dead, so who cares.**_

_Pineapple-Sister: Stop trying to play footsies with me! I thought I told you I didn't have a sexual orientation!_

_did__ you say __lightswitch__: So I accidently hit your foot ONE TIME, and now every time I move my damn foot you think I'm playing footsies with you! __Dammit__ girl! I told you I'm not a lesbian, I'm a METHODIST!_

_Pineapple-Sister: Do you mean Lutheran?_

_did__ you say __lightswitch__: No I'm not Lutheran, we've already been through this…I'm METHODIST!!!_

**Reviews: **Please? More? Really? Yes? Do so?...come on…give in to the peer pressure…push the button…

**Flames: **Please give me one so that I can play with fire…XD…mwahahaha…

**Next Time:**_What we like to call "the kitchen scene…" __dunh__Dunh__ DUNH!_


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